Not My "REAL" Father....

Funny how those words - "not my REAL Father" - have turned out to have the exact opposite meaning now for me than when I was a child.  And I am thankful that my 'real' father understood my mind-shift in the years before he passed away in 2007.

Even so, those words have become even more meaningful to me in the past few weeks.

My Mom (who passed away at the young age of 46) was finishing high school in the mid-1950's.  She met a man while she was still in high school and they dated for some time.  Just after she graduated at age 18, she and this man became engaged.  Shortly after that, my Mom also became pregnant with me.  And shortly after that, he ended the relationship with my mother.

Family lore says that he had also been with another woman who was also pregnant with his child and that there was a 'shotgun' wedding, leaving my mom on her own to deal with her heartbreak, pregnancy...and eventually me.

My grandparents were very supportive of my Mom and helped her to keep me and raise me.  The man paid some money to my mother to help cover medical expenses and then legal forms were signed and he had nothing to do with me or my Mom after that.  Other than....again according to family lore....a few ominous phone calls made to the house presumably threatening my safety.

Eventually my Mom met another man and eventually they married.  I was three years old at the time.  This man adopted me, giving me his last name, and a couple of years later, giving me my sister.

Of course life is never really without its lumps and twists and raising children is definitely challenging. 

Somewhere along the way in elementary school, I realized that most kids had not been to their parents weddings and there I was in the wedding photos!  My Mom, being the honest lady that she was, gently told me the short version of the story.

As I grew a bit older into my teen years and started rebelling against parental rules and seemingly getting grounded every time I looked like I had done something wrong (whether or not I had!), the drama in me started to emerge.  I decided that the reason all this was befalling me was because I was living in a house with my Mom and a man WHO WAS NOT MY REAL FATHER.  This then was the real reason I was always in the doghouse while my sister was running around being perfect.  She, after all, was living in a house with our Mom and a man who WAS her REAL father.

Moving out, living without the parental rules.....is when kids (twenty something kids) finally get their brain cells back and realize why those rules were there in the first place.  And also that your parents really did know what they were talking about.  And that trying to teach these things to unappreciative children who think they already know it all was probably not the most fun your parents ever had either.

I began to realize the value of my family and my upbringing and had lots of conversations with my dad on the whats and whys and if you had to do it again would you do the same things of my growing up years.  As I eventually had my own kids and found myself teaching them the very same things my dad and mom had taught me - even using the same words sometimes - I became even closer to my dad.

Recently, I have been caught up in genealogy.  I've done a lot of work on the the 'tree' in the past 10 years and much of it in the last 2 years.  I have my dad and his family on this tree.  But one day my husband pointed out that my dad wasn't really a bloodline and suggested that maybe he should not be on there, technically speaking.

I pondered this and I did add on 'the other man' as an alternate father for myself.  I did some research to find his family members and ancestors and verify my information.  I did find out, technically speaking, that he is still living and that I have 2 half brothers and a half sister that I did not know about.  I also found out that he is estranged from his children and still does not want to know me.

I gave a lot of thought as to what constitutes a REAL FATHER.  A real father is not necessarily the one who created you.  A real father is the one who raises and guides you.  Who puts up with you.  Who loves you even when you are difficult and fighting.  Who forgives you for being a complete jerk sometimes.  Who is there for you.  Who is a family with you.  That is some of what constitutes a real father.

So yes, this other man is listed on my tree as an alternate father.... with a note so people will understand that a biological father is not necessarily the same thing as a REAL FATHER and it is my REAL FATHER who gets first billing on my tree.

July already?

What happened to my year?  Here it is July already.  And my blogging intentions have obviously gone right out the window somewhere along the way.  I was unemployed until mid June and all I did was ONE blog post in January?  Pffft.  I doubt I will entertain any followers that way! 

In any case, I am feeling very timid about linking my blog anywhere people can actually find it....

So what did I do for those unemployed months? 

I joined a gym for women but my timing on that was wonderful as it has now closed down - lack of interest by enough women in this small town to make it a viable business.

I did manage a small weeklong vacation to Las Vegas in the middle of the time off.  It was an ok trip but Vegas was much quieter this time than last time.  Last trip (which was my first trip there) was before the 'ECONOMIC CRISIS' so there were tons of people and lots going on.  This time...plenty of people but many businesses had closed or disappeared.  Less frenzied which doesn't really suit that big glitzy crazy city.

The other thing I did which is partly what prompted me to join a gym was taking up COOKING.  In capital letters.  In one of my first blog postings I raved about Julia Child but said I had not taken up cooking her recipes because I didn't have her cookbook.  That problem was remedied at Christmas when I received that book as a gift.

Oh that was a wonderful gift.  For the first time in my life I had plenty of time to cook.  And here is the interesting thing - I thought I knew how to cook.  I figured I had all the basics down pat and making anything fancier was just a matter of cooking that on a weekend when I had a bit more time to spend.  Well...!!!  I learned so much cooking her recipes.  Apparently I have been cooking the crap out of my chicken for years!  I always figured 40 minutes for pieces.  Not so according to Julia.  I learned how to cook chicken breasts in about 10 minutes and have them turn out tender and very juicy, but cooked!  Which amazed me completely.

I adventured on with more of Julia's recipes, avoiding some of the less familiar foods, and had a riot.  Setting off smoke alarms and generally making quite a mess while producing some othe best meals I have ever had.

I even took up wearing an apron.

I also became addicted to cooking shows and have developed quite a crush on one guy in particular and follow him on facebook.  I feel a bit like a stalker doing that but I guess that's why they make the fan pages.

All this immersion into cooking got me interested in branching off to other cuisines.  My family is pretty game for trying new stuff and we have lately been into East Indian cuisine.  Fascinating cooking methods - particularly the quantities and combinations of spices...ahhh.  Though we did find it was easier to buy samosas already made.  We had interesting fillings but have not yet come up with a dough/method that seals well and they are pretty disgusting if they burst open while you are frying them.  They become little oil sponges and that's pretty much yuck.

All that fun is on hold for now though since I am limited in my time for food preparation after work and with the summer heat, a person mostly wants to barbeque or have a salad anyway.  huh.  Maybe not...  I did stumble across a phenomenal raspberry vinegarette recipe which I have modified to make it mine and I am thinking up new salads to try as I write this!  Maybe not Julia so much in the summer but maybe not the end of the creativity either!